Sunday, September 28, 2008

my heartache

well who would have thought i would have fallen...in korea. it could have been the loneliness of being in a foreign country that made me but as my time is dwindling, i find myself in a little bit of a panic. how will i leave this person i've spent about a year building a life with? i won't ever see him again in my life.

it honestly started off as a fling, he couldn't even speak English. then as time passed, he became the reason for half of the stress in my korean life. let's say that l o v e is blind because seriously...we could not be more different. most of the time i'm very blunt and open about my thoughts/feelings. i'm really picky about my food and he hates that. but his personality is, he likes to keep everything inside. if i'm sad, or stressed he can't see it, he doesn't notice anything. he likes staying home and watching tv. i love going out and doing different things like bike riding, hiking, etc... he loves sleeping, whenever he's tired he's the crankiest person i've ever met. almost worse than diana when she doesn't get enough sleep!! but...of course there are good things about him too. even though i'm sure he can't see them.

he tells me that i'm so young, and there are so many smarter, younger, and better men out there. often he asks me why i liked him. i guess...it's that person on the inside that i so rarely see, but i know is there that i fell in love with. he can't understand it now, because he can only see the superficial reasons why we probably shouldn't be together but hopefully in time he'll understand that languages can be learned, age is...only an issue if you always think about it, and only time can tell what will happen next. you cannot expect the worst...

i tell him he's a heartless robot, and he claims he has a heart but i often i don't believe it. sometimes you really really can't help who you fall for. we have fun together and i hope that the rest of the time we have together, however long that may be, is happy and memorable because life is too short. lately things have been going dare i say well? maybe he'll keep his word and we can go pyeongchang together to see his cousins and his sister sometime. i would like to believe that people can change...but that means i have to trust and to believe that i can change as well.

life fucking never turns out the way you plan. i'm taking it one day at a time because if you look any farther, you'll only be blinded by the daunting light.

Thursday, September 25, 2008

is it any wonder...

sorry i've been MIA lately. i got a new class and it feels like i'm back at the beginning again. teaching ABC's, colors, and numbers. it's easy and stupid hard at the same time. i'm so used to having speech and communications classes where essentially all i do is get them to talk. i have kids that can't understand English and try to speak to me in Korean. they're new to the school so they've still got discipline problems and i'm not exactly the most authorative teacher so i usually send them to someone scary.

as for other things, life is alright. it's the same old same old.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

am i sleeping?

gangneung - chusok weekend.
looking off into the distance...
awkward hair, and smiles because stupid ass pretended he couldn't speak korean. he thought it would be funny.
riding around town on mini motorcycles...
he told them he wanted a faster bike and to give me the slower one. bastard!! >.<

Saturday, September 6, 2008

expectations...

i should have been doing something great. this could have been me, but...i spent a year dicking around in a foreign country. as much as i hate studying, i think i should come back and get my life back on track...seeing this picture makes me wonder whether i could have achieved something like this. obvious from the looks of things now, i'm nowhere near it.