sleep through the static

"all at once the world can overwhelm me

there's almost nothing you can tell me
that could ease my mind"

i spent my week doing not much of anything. it gave me a lot of time to think about what i wanted to do next. i hung out with a couple of friends, drank pineapple soju, and made the best of the vacation. as much as i enjoy my time here, i always miss my life back home. being out here is exciting, i get to see new things, and i never know what to expect. whether it's new food, new people, or new places to see. novelty is great, but i miss familiarity as well. i was really proud of myself the other night because in my 2 cab rides, both times they tried to have conversations with me. and i managed to hold my own basic conversation in korean. i mean i'm sure i didn't use everything properly in full sentences, but they understood me without body language! i mean little things like this make this experience worth it, but many times i feel lonely. there's not many people i can relate to out here, so i choose to spend much of the time by myself. i thought my puppy would make my life better, but i think i'm just not ready to take care of something else. i can barely take care of myself! being out here in a different country, it was the right thing to do because in 2 months i've grown in more ways than i've ever had just living with all the comforts california has to offer.

"we keep asking ourselves
are we really strong enough?
they're so many thing
that we got too proud of"

i came out here to figure out what i wanted to do with my life, but i think i'm more confused than ever. teaching is a lot of fun, and i can see myself doing that for awhile but where does it get me? california public school with white administrators and politics up the wazzoooo? (i have nothing against white people except that sometimes they have a tendency to think they own everything, not you though ms. wenger :P) that's not the life i want. however, maybe taiwan will be a good experience for me. i really want to try that after. i think that's my short term plan, keep my eyes on the road in front of me and wait to see what fork in the road i'll run into later.

"which way will you run
when it's all around you
and the feeling lost and found you again
a feeling that we have no control"

people often asked me why i chose to come to korea. and i told them the truth, i didn't want anyone else's opinion, thoughts, or even existence to affect my life in anyway. because it is my life and i should choose how i want to live it. however...many times when i do feel helpless there is no one there. but i chose this life and i like that i have no one to depend on so that i don't use it as a crutch. i want to be able to stand on my own two feet at all times. but it does get tiring, watching the world go by alone.

"there's a world we've never seen
there's still hope between the dreams
the weight of it all
could blow away with a breeze
if your waitin' on the wind
don't forget to breathe"
-All at Once (Jack Johnson)