an old post, a life update

If i ever leave this world alive...

an introduction:

for those of you who don't know me, i am a recent graduate from the university of california at berkeley. it's actually not easy to know what you want to do with your life at this age. you may think that a degree from berkeley can land you any job you want, it is the biggest lie they tell you. with an education like this, you do not have many options in terms of the amount of useful knowledge you have. this type of higher education will only lead you to academia or more school. you cannot finish with a bachelors, you have to get a masters, a phd. it never ends. however, if you do decide to put your education on hold and don't mind not living expensively then i suggest you figure out yourself. and what i mean by that is...live your life. travel the world while you are young, see the things you want to see, do the things you want to do. because once you get a career, it'll be hard to leave.

as hard as it was to leave my friends and family, i think that the decision i made was a good one. it was my first christmas away from home and the first birthday without my friends. as time passes, things get easier to deal with and i realize that this is only part of the growing up process. currently i am living in south korea. i live in a very small city where a cab fare from one side of town to the other will only cost you about $3. the small kids can walk by themselves on the street without the fear of being kidnapped. kids are not kids, they do not play outside, they study from morning till night. one of their stops in the day is my classroom. i am an english teacher in wonju, south korea. my kids are amazing and they make every day bearable. i think by the end of this year, i'll have learned more from them about myself then i ever could have by myself. (January 8th, 2008)

what you thought you need...

an update:
6 months have passed since i wrote this post. so many things have happened since that post. i think that i was starting to lose sight of why i came here in the first place. i was starting to lose myself. many times i find myself asking who i am now. first and foremost i am an english teacher here, i am here to enrich these kids lives. these are the lives i'm supposed to be changing and the lives i should be worried about. i lost my head because it gets really lonely and boring out here. i have friends, but it is just not the same. i am the outsider, the foreigner that will never fit in. i am the guest star in their life that will leave and become nothing but a faded memory. the people you meet here...they see your relationships like dairy products, with an expiration date. i guess when i started living here, i only saw life like a dying cancer patient. i only thought of this time as a time to live life to it's fullest because i would be gone in a year. now i realize there are many things i need to just let go and many people i need to forget about.

i started kumdo class and i quit guitar but i still enjoy playing. i love when i learn something new, and i love watching people play. i just wish there was some way to turn back time and erase all the bad things that had happened but that's just wishful thinking. now all i can do is make the best of my time here. get a yellow belt in kumdo? and try to help my kids learn as much as they can and have as much fun with me so that i've at least positively influenced at least one person's life. also so i can find some meaning in my life. (July 7th, 2008)