leaving again...

i think coming back home was a good and bad idea. i think it reminded me of the life i have at home. all the friends and family, and all the people that are here for me. but on the other hand, it is also awful because i have to leave it again. the comfortable feeling at home, being able to speak your native tongue and having people understand you. all the foods available to me and just all around good feeling. i miss the sarcasm and the humor, i miss feeling young and being with my friends. it was so hard to leave this time, but i think it's much harder when you realize you have nothing to go back to. you have a 13 hour flight, a 3 hour bus ride, another taxi ride before you go to your empty apartment in a country you really don't belong in. i don't think i've felt so lonely or sad before. at first korea was an adventure, it was a new land for me to explore, but now...it's just a place i have to be because it's my responsibility to be there. don't get me wrong, i love my kids...i just...hate my life? i don't know...i just find myself feeling really sad and i don't know how to make it stop. i guess i just have to deal with the choices i've made and learn to grow up. even if it hurts.