Almost halfway there Day 13

I'm suffering some weakness today. I really wanted to eat something that wasn't part of the cleanse. I fought it off by eating a handful of blueberries. I had a pretty emotional day today. I had to see the ex and go to the office and turn in the papers. They gave us a date...Monday 10/15.

I think my emotional state had something to do with the weakness I felt with wanting to shove a bunch of chocolate in my mouth. I swear to you I feel like a completely different person. In about 5 months I managed to change my mind a million times, spiral into the depths of emotional hell and slowly climb back up. It reminds me of that wall in the latest Batman movie that he had to climb in order to get out. I don't think I'm quite out yet, but I'm getting there. Slowly but surely I am resurfacing, hopefully as a better person. When I walk around town I feel like there are so many emotional land mines. I'm just really careful not to step in them. Now I'm moving across town on Sunday, hopefully it'll be a lot easier after that. I feel emotionally numb, I think there are just too many things to think about and so I don't remember how to feel anymore.

Will I ever get into another relationship? Find another job? Start another life? Get through this month without slipping back into the pits? I hope so because I'm going to be strong. Today when the man at the office looked me in the eyes and asked me, "Is this what you really want?" I said yes and will always say yes. I still stand by the fact that this is the best decision I've ever made in my life. When I looked at him today, it felt like we were strangers. A face that used to be so familiar to me, looked so different...like someone I'd seen for the first time and not someone I'd wanted to start a life together with. I guess people change, some just a little faster than others...

Wish me luck...I'm gonna need a lot of it.