Beyond my control...

"When you don't take "no" for an answer, there is still a chance you'll get what you want. "

How I wish that the solution was that simple...

I've been very lost and I've been questioning the very fabric of my existence. I'm confused about my future, my heart, and I honestly feel like I'm losing my mind sometimes. I've got things tugging on my heart strings and making me question my own ability and value as a human being. Life has been like a roller coaster  sending me soaring at times and then suddenly dropping me into some dark tunnel of the unknown. Curve balls thrown out of left field and unexpected turns, dead ends, mixed emotions...

The answer was so clear that my mind had to protect itself... I can see the answer but it's too painful so I am just avoiding it.

Dear Universe,

For once in my life, could you answer my cries for help and give me a positive push?

Thanks,
Christine

I remembered this movie...2046 and there were these quotes that made me think about my own life...

"Love is all a matter of timing. 

It's no good meeting the right person too soon or too late. 

If I'd lived in another time or place... 

...my story might have had a very different ending. "

Maybe I screwed up my timing a little bit each day like a broken watch. Now I'm like 1 minute off from my original ending. Now I can never get the timing right...and therefore I'll never get anything right. Maybe...it's already beyond my control...

"I slowly began to doubt myself...

So at last, I got it. It's entirely beyond my control. 

The only thing left for me... was to give up."

I'll pack my bags and never look back at the life that I'd worked so hard to build. I'll store away the emotions, I'll box away the friendships, I'll cut the strings that hold my heart here, I'll pack it all up and send them away. Box after box of memories, I'll send them to a different place..so I'll never have to think about the things I left behind.