my heartache

well who would have thought i would have fallen...in korea. it could have been the loneliness of being in a foreign country that made me but as my time is dwindling, i find myself in a little bit of a panic. how will i leave this person i've spent about a year building a life with? i won't ever see him again in my life.

it honestly started off as a fling, he couldn't even speak English. then as time passed, he became the reason for half of the stress in my korean life. let's say that l o v e is blind because seriously...we could not be more different. most of the time i'm very blunt and open about my thoughts/feelings. i'm really picky about my food and he hates that. but his personality is, he likes to keep everything inside. if i'm sad, or stressed he can't see it, he doesn't notice anything. he likes staying home and watching tv. i love going out and doing different things like bike riding, hiking, etc... he loves sleeping, whenever he's tired he's the crankiest person i've ever met. almost worse than diana when she doesn't get enough sleep!! but...of course there are good things about him too. even though i'm sure he can't see them.

he tells me that i'm so young, and there are so many smarter, younger, and better men out there. often he asks me why i liked him. i guess...it's that person on the inside that i so rarely see, but i know is there that i fell in love with. he can't understand it now, because he can only see the superficial reasons why we probably shouldn't be together but hopefully in time he'll understand that languages can be learned, age is...only an issue if you always think about it, and only time can tell what will happen next. you cannot expect the worst...

i tell him he's a heartless robot, and he claims he has a heart but i often i don't believe it. sometimes you really really can't help who you fall for. we have fun together and i hope that the rest of the time we have together, however long that may be, is happy and memorable because life is too short. lately things have been going dare i say well? maybe he'll keep his word and we can go pyeongchang together to see his cousins and his sister sometime. i would like to believe that people can change...but that means i have to trust and to believe that i can change as well.

life fucking never turns out the way you plan. i'm taking it one day at a time because if you look any farther, you'll only be blinded by the daunting light.