talking to myself

when i wake up in the morning and i'm still lying in bed because of this internal struggle between remaining in bed or walking the 20 min to the gym to be tortured by this skinny pretzel woman for an hour and then walk back after all the energy is drained from my body.

Productive Me: gotta get up...gotta go to the gym

Lazy Me: don't go, it's raining out.

Productive Me: you hafta go, you paid for it.

Lazy Me: but you can go tomorrow.

Productive Me: yah but i ate pizza last night. and today is monday, i should start off the week right.

Lazy Me: but you can go again when it's not raining.

Productive Me: get up...get up...

Lazy Me: *rolls over*

Productive Me: *rolls out of bed*

Lazy Me: damn it...fine, but just today

it pretty much goes like this most days. especially when i'm still aching from the day before or had a really late night out. *sigh*

i find that when i first started blogging about my life in korea i had a lot more to say. a lot more things were happening and everything felt new. the lack of updates shows the steady routine of my days. except for the array of new people that i have just met everything else is the same. of course there are things that i wouldn't blog about that happens but for the most part things are good. i think it happens once a year around summer when i start to get anxious about going home and so i get more tired of living my routine life without my friends from home. there are plenty of cool people here, but needless to say it's still very different from being in the comfort of your own home, laughing with company that you've spent so many years building relationships with. it's that time of year again when the homesickness starts to eat away at me. i can't seem to find enough things to keep myself distracted. sure there are the crazy parties, loud bars, and endless amounts of booze but i'd like just having a fun night going bowling and playing DDR at the bowling alley. or even just dinner and arcade games at dave and busters. of course i have lots of complaints around this time, and i never talk about the good parts of my life maybe i'll include some balance.

i have cool coworkers, awesome students, a sweet and understanding (for the most part) boyfriend that loves me and all my crazy psychotic breaks. i have a steady job, a nice apartment that overlooks most of the city, no debt, and lots of money put away. sure that sounds more like maybe someone in their thirties but often i forget that i am no longer in school, i'm not 21 anymore, and a lot of people are starting to get their lives sorted. it's not like the times when renting a cabin with 20 people and playing taboo, pictionary, and guesstures all night was something we did regularly. life is more serious now, people are getting married or engaged left and right. people are in medical school working to become doctors! sigh...i'm learning to grow up day by day.

cycles

i go through cycles of self improvement and self destruction. the self destruction cycle is over...it's about self improvement again. hitting the gym, cutting down on coffee and alcohol. after awhile self destruction will come again...but for now...i have my sanity.

culture shock?

so i've been hanging out with our new teacher. i'm glad she's cool and fun to hang out with. i guess i forgot how it feels when i first came to wonju and i didn't know anyone and didn't know the language. the loneliness can be quite overwhelming. you miss all your friends, your life back home, and the comforts of living in a country where you can actually communicate and get around. you get here and everyone feels it. the alienation...so we make friends real fast and try to stay above water. i tried to stop hanging out with foreigners because they always end up leaving me.

when i had my friends here it felt like every day was so much fun. but then their time was up and then they're gone. forever. and then i'm here alone again. of course i know bum's here...and i know i have my korean friends and my students, but sometimes it's just nice to be able to communicate with people without getting lost in translation. lately i'd been sucked into that english comfort zone...you know the drink until daylight, dance like a mad man, forget about your worries and pretend you're in america zone. i was losing my mind but it was a lot of fun. now of course i'm trying to maintain normal relationships with friends, having girls night eating pizza and watching sex and the city. i'm practicing for our wedding band performance on saturday. the couple who own the bar where we are regulars at, are getting married this saturday and we're gonna play the wedding songs. i'm playing bass guitar. haha...lots of practicing is needed.

oh and i had an interesting run in at the bank today. i dunno whether i was getting hit on or just being asked out for the purpose of practicing English. my usual bank teller who i'd gone to for the last 2 years changed last month. i was bummed cause the guy was cool and usually took care of all my translation problems at the bank. i was trying to get the new guy to set up my atm card to send money home so that i didn't have to go upstairs every time i wanted to send money home. he told me he didn't really wanna set it up cause then i'd have no reason to go see him. i just brushed it off and figured koreans are just like that when they're around english speakers. then i went in today to tried to use my card to send money home but that didn't work either. so sure enough i had to go upstairs to see him. it took an hour to get everything sorted out. i mentioned going back to the states in august and he was relieved when i said it was only for vacation. again he said he didn't wanna get the atm thing done cause then he wouldn't get to see me. then he proceeded to ask me when i had time we should go get some coffee or something to eat. i pretended i didn't hear him and asked if my transaction was done. i thanked him and left confused. this man had a huge gaudy wedding ring on his finger and so i figured i wasn't getting hit on but normally if this was in the states this kind of behavior is not common right? it made me feel uncomfortable and so i asked bum if this was normal korean behavior and he said the man is stupid and asked where he worked. lol korean culture is weird...is it possible to still feel culture shock after 2 years??

sorry for the ranting...i know i should have more substance in these updates but life is "same same" as they would say in korea. i'm just excited for vacation!! about 2.5 more months before i get to go HOME!!! HOME SWEET HOME!!! :-D