breaking up

i guess there is no real easy way to break up. but what is the point of staying in a relationship that makes you tired? it's like a bad affair that needs to end. i really just liked the idea of him, someone to complain about your day to, someone who tells you stories about their life, and someone to tell you good night. but...when i look at other couples, they're really happy, where with us, when we hug we're scared that someone will come down the stairs. life just shouldn't be lived like this. secondly, my passion for guitar seems to have dwindled too. i think i'm going to quit playing.

to do list

i was finally able to take some things off my list of "things to do in korea". i made korean friends, experienced korean culture, and am taking guitar lessons. soon i will be able to take off the "go to DMZ" because i am going this Sunday! WOOT!! i think sometimes i forget how old i am when i am out here. at times i feel like a little kid, other times i feel like life is so serious i don't know how to deal with it. in reality what am i? i just want to take life one day at a time.

to love is to be able to let go

i guess it can be hard to understand how i feel right now or even to find a simple solution to a complicated problem. i believe that because you care about someone, you should let them go. when you care about someone, you want them to only be happy...you want to spare them from pain, you want to see them smile every day even if you are not the reason anymore. in time...the pain will fade and we'll be grateful for making the right decision. maybe somewhere down the road in the future...when we're making our new lives without each other in it, we'll be happy with the memories we had and be glad that we decided to be friends instead. and when i leave...i want to smile and say...i will miss you. i want to come back one day and remember everything we've been through whether it be good or bad. i want to remember the life we built together in this year, and laugh away all the pain. is all this too much to ask?

weezer - best friend

of course weezer said it a bit more cheesy, but my shout out today is for my best friend. i've gotten many packages so far. THANK YOU EVERYONE!!! today i got the best one thus far (i know they were alllllll awesome) but this one...it had special meaning to me. she picked everything out and wrote a little message on everything. it gave me a reason to want to come back to the states. not many of you know what's actually happening at my house right now, a lot of drama that makes me never want to go back home. however...there's always those days that bring you back and remind you of why you should go back. at least to CA. there are a few people i would like to see again. family excluded. fucking assholes i say.

my coworkers say i'm spoiled. they're like your family sent you so much stuff. i'm like family? what are you talking about? these things are all from my friends!!! i have this kid in my new class that looks like my bitchy cousin when she was little. i hate that woman, she is part of the cause of this family turmoil as well. so now not only is that class difficult to teach because the kids are at different levels, the ugly girl is there. she's dark and weird looking like...i dunno, it's an awful thing to say i know, but jeezzzz this class is NOT CUTE at all. and the cutest kid in class is an obnoxious brat. he's smart but man he needs an attitude adjustment.

ok ok less ranting. more praising!! the box that came today had a little of everything. it really was pretty awesome. i got some victoria secret undies, a cute bra, a tank, key topper, candy, cookies, a plushie, stationary, pens, magnets, chapstick (which is awesome because i lost mine and couldn't find it!!!!), and other various things. CHRISTAL!! you rock :) thanks so much.

SIDE NOTE:
currently my dog is throwing a tantrum and i think she wants to eat me. >.< i think i will leave her in the computer room tonight. usually i let her sleep on the floor in my bedroom.

and of course i want to thank everyone who sent me stuff. thanks for keeping me connected to a world outside of dog poop, kid snot, correcting english, and being an entertainer for 30+ hours a week. THANKS! Christal, Staci, Angelina, Alan, Ms. Wenger, and Connie! i miss you guys

No Worries

i'm sorry for worrying you guys lately with strange posts that have no real explanations except vague hints of what's happening here in Korea. some of you know the whole story, some of you know parts of it, and some of you can laugh with me about it when i finally come home. it's funny that i know when i come home, Korea will only be a year of my life that will be filed away in my memory bank. it will be just another few pages in my scrapbook. this blog will be evidence that life happened in korea, but it's such a short time that it's probably insignificant. i'll go back to waiting in line with my friends at best buy for stupid sales that probably aren't worth it. i'll go back to studying, the friends i've made here will be people i occasionally email with and maybe i'll come visit some time in the future. but it's hard when you're on opposite sides of the world, time differences, etc... i'm sure the same thoughts are going through their minds, when i get ready to leave they'll have to get used to life without me. it's funny how much things have changed already because of my existence. i brought about a change in terms of treating people by age, and how i speak to them. i see them all as my friends, but in korea, only people who are the same age are considered friends, everyone else is either a younger sister/brother, or older sister/brother. and they're going from zero english to not being afraid anymore. as much of a negative influence i can be sometimes, i brought about some positive changes as well. hopefully in the future they won't feel threatened by foreigners.

my friends! don't worry about me, i'm ok. :) it's already may, i have a concert coming up at the end of this month, and then it will already be june!. that will mean i'll have reached my half way mark!!! whooott!! then i'll be 6 months away from coming home.